brains are spaghetti

it's been a lot of years and i still don't know how to breathe. it's a miracle i'm even alive. i'm pretty sure everyone in my life right now is nothing more than imaginary. i'm impressed by myself i mean not too many people can imagine 10 billion people each with their own life and happenings each and every day. and to do it for so many years. my brain is kind of tired it is like a squeezed orange and there seems to be no way to unsqueeze things, especially brains and oranges.

my imagination is failing me and the characters i've created are disappearing all over the globe and i can see the earth spinning and the little people vanishing one by one. i'm pretty sure the earth is just a subatomic particle like a quark that's part of an electron that's part of most likely a nitrogen atom and we are just part of the air that people in a much larger world breathe. i think when the weather changes it is precipitated by a chemical reaction in that larger world like the particle turning into carbon dioxide after we are exhaled like a used car. even if this is all wrong, then surely there are little people inside the air molecules that we breathe and everytime someone sneezes there's a hurricane in the smaller florida and when someone farts the dinosaurs get extinct all over again. i think even if this is all wrong, then surely we are part of something that is part of us at the same time. the complexity and irony of this makes it all the more convincing. the theme of the universe is infinity and i think it's absurd to believe we are exempt from this as independent individuals that are detached from a larger system that is just as much attached to us.

the last time i saw a cloud i didn't even care to ask what it's name was. it makes me sad to meet them because i know when i turn around i will forget to even look for it and much less recognize the shape of it. and just like that it is gone and to me it never even existed. i used to think clouds disappear at night, because the night sky is usually clear for the most part. i can't believe they are there the whole time during the night, we just can't see them without the sun light. it still behooves me as to why clouds don't get sun burned or at least tanned. they are whiter than white out. my god. and the color of water is really grey, not blue. cause i aint never seen a cloud turn blue when it's about to drop rain on me and the imaginary world. and you will never see a kindergarten kid draw a grey rain drop. they are so silly. its funny i made them that way. cause look i am imagining this whole thing and in my imagination there is a kindergarten kid drawing raindrops with every color blue purple orange red but never grey. and i'm sure this is how it is. so therefore the world is nothing but my imagination. this is called a proof. and modus ponens couldn't agree more.

there's got to be more to life than trying to figure out what it is. it's like playing a video game and spending all your tokens figuring out the buttons and moves. and before we commence the real gaming experience we are out of money and out of the arcade, eating a thin slice of pizza because pizza huts are never near arcades. and dont you try to argue that. it's a fact. i've never seen the two together or even close.

i met the world champion of Pac-Man the other day and you know what, i think he's got it figured out. a world champion in anything probably has a lot figured out. it's sad people don't even want to be a world champion. they just want to be better than their little friends that are most likely a creation of their imaginatiotn anyway. way to go non-world-champions. you'll never figure it out.

i think miserable people might have it figured out. their life is so miserable it is a god damn relief when they die. for everyone else it's the most dreadful and sad thing to die. it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have to feel good for so many people who have died already. feeling good for dead people just makes me feel really miserable. and soon enough i'll die a miserable boy who felt good for people who died so ended up feeling miserable. and someone else will greet my death with the utmost joy and enthusiasm, thinking i was a miserable boy. but really i'm not. but then to be so misunderstood is surely miserable. i can't seem to win this.

there is no doubt that people are puzzles. sometimes they are like puzzle pieces and fit well with others, and sometimes they are the thinking puzzles that you have to figure out. and then you solve them and they are no longer puzzles, but used-to-be-puzzles because how can they be a puzzle if it doesn't puzzle you? and if they are no longer puzzles, then by modus ponens they are not people. that's a problem. and that's how the people are disappearing. by the time people have solved the puzzle of life, life itself will disappear, i am sure of it. and then god will make a whole new puzzle and then start all over from the dinosaurs who will be banished forever because their IQ is like 3. has it ever occurred to you that maybe we are going backwards and the fossils and things we find and build into the dinosaur shapes are but clay models that will be baked in time and after our civilization collapses it will be turned into real dinosaurs that walk the earth. so as time is going forward, it is also going backwards to converge at an infinite amount of points on a circular motion. time is circular, no doubt.

"There are 2 things that are infinite in the universe. Circles and figure 8s."
-Kai Lam